Stephen Colbert, pseudo-conservative satirist, cheats death in final ‘Report’

Stephen Colbert, the pseudo-conservative commentator and talk-show host developed by the real Stephen Colbert on The Daily Show and honed to biting perfection for nine years on The Colbert Report, slipped out of this realm Thursday night on Comedy Central. He was roughly 17.

Dr. Stephen T. Colbert, D.F.A. was cast into eternity from his New York City studio during his 1,447th episode after confronting the Grim Reaper, shooting the dark angel with a revolver mid-show and declaring himself “deathless.”

“Wait a minute! I just killed Death!” he said, defying widely held expectations that Colbert would be dying on his final Comedy Central telecast. “That means … I am immortal! Nothing can stop me now!”